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Mental Illness is NOT an Explanation for Violence
Tuesday. 1.11.11 10:11 am
In the wake of the assassination attempt of Arizona Rep Gabrielle Giffords, I ask one question. When do you draw the line and not take mental illness as the explanation for these horrendous mass shooting events??

The gunman in this particular case was taken into custody. He did not commit suicide, which happens in many of these mass shootings. There have been claims on the internet that he suffers from paranoid schizophrenia and that should completely explain his actions. For most, the investigation into what really happened while go no further. That is supposed to explain it all. He could have done this out of anger, among other things, but will we ever figure that out? So many of these events link psychiatric disorders to violence by the media, where sometimes the real evidence is never seen or mentioned. A severe mental illness is not an explanation for violence. You hear about the story nightly on the news and the new developments into the character of this man and why he suffers from this. Always ending with the BIG question, WHY???

I am not saying that violence from mental illness does not happen, or should not be blamed. I know from personal experience that this can happen, and does happen. But when do we draw the line and say that these people that are experiencing possible hallucinations or delusions are fit enough to be in society? This does not condone their criminal acts, nor should it. Why is it that when people put these ideas out there, mostly online, that no one listens? We just sit there and do nothing about it. With this constant misrepresentation, it's not surprising that the public sees mental illness as an easy explanation for these tragic events. We haven't learned all the details of this shooting in Arizona, but I suspect mental illness will be falsely accused many times over.

Sure, everyone has got something to say about this issue. But when will these people be held accountable for their actions and not just blame it on mental illness? Well in most of these mass shooting the shooter(s) take their own lives and they never live to be held accountable for their actions. In this latest case, the guy is in custody. He will face a judge and be prosecuted. OR WILL HE??? Maybe claiming mental illness will get this man off. That remains to be seen.

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a work in progress...
Wednesday. 1.5.11 3:51 pm
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Work is driving me nuts!!!
Wednesday. 1.5.11 12:57 pm
Ok! The actual work is not driving me nuts....in fact I love it!

But, the cubicle debacle and the constant computer issues are driving me insane!

So, here at work they have decided to go to a "mobile work environment." The powers that be want us to be able to go green, work from home and be in the office as needed. Which is a great theory...but in reality the process is not planned out that well. So the moving around our work area and the building of new work spaces has started. It is taking 4 phases. I am in the 4th phase...which as of right now begins on the 25th. But that date is not set in stone. You have your choice of the workspace you want. These choices are whether you want a "pod" and "bench desk" or a standard cubicle. Well for me....I picked a cubicle. While I would love a "pod," it just is not feasible with my work. I look at building drawings everyday and some of them are huge...I just need that space. SO needless to say the office is in a bit of an upheaval. Which is not good!

Secondly....i have these nagging computer issues. I sit around doing meanial tasks till IT gets around to looking at my computer. Then they usually tell me they have to ask around to fix it...cause they don't know what is wrong. We use this specialized program...and when it goes down or something goes wrong...the IT dept. really doesn't know how it functions. We usually have to call the national helpdesk. This all takes way too much time, twiddling my thumbs, and still little understanding.

So I am eating lunch at work and wondering what my next task will be. Maybe the computer issue will get resolved before I go home....but I am very doubtful that it will!

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i'm bbbbaaaaaaaaaccccccccccckkkkkkk!!!!
Wednesday. 12.22.10 11:43 am
Not that it matters. I probably wasn't missed! But alas! life goes on!

So much has happened in the past year and half since I posted! I don't know if I can hit it all, but I sure will try.

So the last time I wrote I was depressed and still unemployed after looking for work for almost a year. My supposed "best friend" had basically separated herself from me...and I still don't know why. I got a newer car, cause of all the problems with the previous two. I had a horrible 30th birthday, but the best 31st! All while I was going through a major life change. I think that about summarizes it.

So I am no longer unemployed. In fact, I have been gainfully employed for almost a year. Last February, I started as a contractor for the Federal Government. I am a CAD/CIFM Specialist for GSA in all federal building and leased buildings for Region 8. Basically, I do all the CAD work necessary for our region. It started out as 16 hours a week, but has since morphed into a full-time 32 hour position. I absolutely love this job! It doesn't get much better than this! Let's hope that with all the government budget constraints, that my job is safe...but you never know.

I said earlier that my supposed best friend basically separated herself from me. We were long in trouble before Sept. 2009. She had pulled away LONG before that, but kept up appearances. I still don't know what a lot of it is about, since she won't talk at all. Through all the arguments and silence I realized how much of my life was dedicated to her and I found myself to be pretty pathetic. I would wait at home for her to come and decided to go places with me...sometimes I would wait all weekend and nothing would happen. I have changed and come to realize that I could wait my whole life....or I can get out there and do things...with people that want to do them with me! There is so much more to the story...but I am not getting in to detail. Mostly it was jealousy, anger and hearsay by her that ended this. So I moved on. The only thing I miss or regret about the whole situation is my godson. Greg never deserved any of this and I miss him terribly! I love him. But, he probably has no clue who I am today. It has been almost a year since I saw the little guy. It still pains me to this day.

Now my major life change. I am getting married in September 2011!!!! I found the love of my life! and FINALLY, I came out as a bisexual woman in November 2009. I also think this is why my supposed ex-best friend is no longer talking to me. She is a bit homophobic and jealous of my girlfriend. She can deny it all she wants, but actions speak louder than words. My girlfriend and I have been together since March 12 of this year. It has been the most exciting and rewarding time of my life. It truly doesn't get better than this. She is my angel! We are truly made for each other and we are SOUL MATES! I never thought that love like this existed, but now I know it does! I am really HAPPY! I am finally happy! We are looking for a home together and will be moving in together soon! We also plan on trying to have kids early next year...but that depends on my body and what it tells me! LOL I am sooooo in love!

Other than that, my life hasn't changed much. I am still the same laid-back person I have always been! I am getting more involved in my nature photography and I also sell Partylite candles. 2010 has treated me very well! I have a loving fiancee, great parents, and a fantastic family! I had a surpise birthday getaway for my birthday present. My girlfriend took me back to her home of Gunnison, CO. It was so amazingly beautiful! I took a ton of pictures!!!!! It was the best birthday ever! Hiking, walking the streets...the mountain air! LOVED IT!!!

I should be back to blogging every now and then. Especially when something new is happening.

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how to complete my life...
Thursday. 9.10.09 1:08 am
Been a while since I posted here...

With my extended time being unemployed it has given me a long long time to think and reflect upon my life. Oddly enough, for the most part I am happy. I got to experience my dream job, if even for a short time. You know when you work but it never feels like work when you are doing it. I truly loved that moment in my life...and I strive each day to find it and capture it again. I love the field I am in...just it doesn't love a bad economy right now...or vice versa.

I have reached almost all the goals I set for myself in this life as well...well except two of the most important ones. True love with marriage, and having children. But those are truly the two that scare me the most. Not that I don't want them, I just have no clue as to how to even begin on how to achieve them at this moment...no idea where to start and not to hopeful about them even getting achieved. They are the first goals I ever had for myself...and I always focused on my career or helping other people...I have never focused on myself. They have always been the unattainable for me...they are the reason I cry myself to sleep sometimes...they are the reason that I have began to doubt myself and my personality...not attaining them scares me more. When do I get my chance?

SO as I continue to make goals for myself, these two seem to further allude me...It's like they will never happen. While the hopeful optimist inside me says if you are patient they will come...my head says I have been patient for a lot of years now...how much fucking longer to I have to wait, while everyone around me gets it, but me. I have hope though so I continue to wait and be patient...

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just random thoughts
Monday. 4.6.09 4:02 am
I have been thinking... which is usually a bad thing.

I have been thinking about my life. While I was never bothered by the fact that I will be 30 late this year, I find myself thinking about what i have done, what i have yet to do and what I haven't done. I can't quite figure out if I am thinking this way because it is a down time in my life...or because of the impending 3-0...or a combo of both.

Like right now I am in a rut. I am unemployed and living with my grandma. I hate this. I can't say I was much happier this time last year while I was unemployed, but at least I had my own place. And living with my grandma isn't so bad...I mean she is a great person and i cherish getting to spend this time with her... BUT I am almost 30. I know that living with her will open up my avenue to home ownership and later this year she will either be living with my aunt or in a senior community.

Needless to say I am a bit depressed. I want to get away from everything here. I am actually thinking of ways that I can contemplate moving. But then I think I am isolated enough here, what if I went to a new city...I wouldn't know anyone and wouldn't I be alone there as well??

So at this point I don't know where I belong and I definitely don't know where to begin to know where I belong....so I just stay here. I evaluate my past jobs, what I want my current career to be and my horrible love life.

this is an on-going story...as I won't be 30 till December 12th.

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